The gods from outer space chose Israel...

The gods from outer space chose Israel...

They are called “Raëlians” (by analogy with “Israelis”). They are a spiritual group winning more and more supporters in France and around the world. They believe in the imminent arrival of gods from outer space, and their symbol shows, at the very least, a lack of taste and sensitivity. It is a Star of David with a swastika inside it. The symbol of the gods from outer space, who will soon come to settle specifically here in Israel...

It all began when Claude Vorilhon, a minor cabaret singer from the Left Bank who became an ordinary racing driver and then an unremarkable sports journalist, was wandering in a field near Clermont-Ferrand and wondering what to do next. Then a flying craft descended from the sky, and a small olive-colored man with a little beard and almond-shaped eyes, speaking French, came out and told him a fascinating story. A story about the gods from outer space who visited our world 25,000 years ago for biological experiments, and who have since sent several “scouts,” such as Jesus, Buddha and Muhammad, to prepare for their expected return. The excited Vorilhon wrote a book about the encounter and sold 30,000 copies, making a considerable profit. As a token of gratitude, apparently, his acquaintances from above later took him for a full ten-minute trip in their world, during which, he said, he managed to make love, with nothing but “maximum concentration,” to six gorgeous robot women. This time the book sold 50,000 copies, and the “Raëlian movement” took shape.

The movement’s 3,000 members around the world are raising funds to build an embassy for the gods who are coming, complete with a swimming pool and a lovely garden — specifically in Israel, and this is no joke. Ordinary people and wealthy people set aside substantial sums month after month, and hold telepathic séances to commune with the gods who will bring them a better world, without violence, without work, and with only one language.

That language will apparently be Hebrew. In any case, given the current state of immigration, the Jewish Agency or the government ought to give some thought to the possibilities for absorbing the immigrants expected from above. And the fund drive, too.

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A doctorate on the language of the sands

The renowned French photographer Lucien Clergue is the first doctor in the world whose doctoral thesis consists entirely of photographs!

For this work, entitled “The Language of the Sands,” and on the subject of the history of the universe, Clergue received a doctorate in photography, with a very good grade.

Clergue teaches photography at the University of Marseille and does not have a secondary-school diploma.

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The French voice leads the way

The most prominent field of French chauvinism is popular song.

A popularity poll recently conducted among old and young alike revealed that all the popular singers are French chanson singers. Naturally, Jacques Brel is at the top. The first foreign singer on the list is in 25th place. It is Johnny Mathis (remember him?)

Our acquaintance Rika Zaraï is in 50th place, ahead of, among others, Elvis Presley and the Beatles!

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The substitute for oil: potatoes

A car powered by alcohol made from potatoes is now touring the roads of France.

It reaches a speed of 105 km per hour. This agricultural answer to the energy crisis is now the new standard-bearer of the car’s owner, Pierre Poujade. Poujade once headed the merchants’ party, whose sole platform was the complete abolition of all taxes. Today he is immune to roadside alcohol tests. An important fact, considering that in France far more drivers than cars are still powered by alcohol...

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Bokassa will become a taxi driver

The “diamond emperor” Bokassa has fallen, it seems, deep in Ivory Coast, where he was granted political asylum. Several of his close associates stole most of the diamonds he had smuggled with him from Central Africa while he was still on a stopover in France, while a businessman from a country that made it easier to sell his services there took control of the rest of his property.

That is why some are taking very seriously a telephone conversation the deposed emperor had these days with his wife Catherine, who is staying in Paris. He asked her to send him her “Cadillac” so that he could start a career as a taxi driver in Abidjan.

Orgies on the shores of Saudi Arabia

Corinne Kimpal is a 26-year-old French woman who one day decided to sample the taste of sand and oil, and became a flight attendant for two years on the domestic routes of Saudi Arabian Airlines.

She came back from there exhausted and not very happy, with several interesting stories to tell. For example, about the orgies occasionally held on the seashore by the princes of the most conservative country on earth, in which girls brought in on special flights from various countries take part, and the participants receive for one such night an amount equivalent to more than one and a half million liras. Or about the “Kendra” hotel in Riyadh, where it is customary to reserve seats by the swimming pool two weeks in advance, in order to watch the French girls who live there bathing in the pool in swimsuits. The flight attendant also spoke of the lengthy interrogation she underwent at Saudi Arabia’s special “religious and morals police,” after she dared to spend a few seconds in the company of a European steward inside the elevator of the hotel where she lived.

Corinne has several amusing stories from her flying experiences, such as the prayers all the passengers regularly perform as close as possible to the aircraft’s exits, with a special navigator tasked with determining the direction of Mecca. Or the passenger who asked to light a fire on the plane to heat tea, and had to be refused for safety reasons...